3 ways to sabotage your maintenance team and keep your spot on the corporate throne
Dear Captain,
I’ve been plant manager for 10 years and our latest employee seems to be a go-getter that can make me look bad. Any advice? –Patty
Ah, Patty, the perennial problem of being outshone by the new guy. Let me regale you with a tale of my dear friend Frank.
Going from reactive maintenance to proactive is like going from being a firefighter to a fire marshal. It's one of those analogies that people just can't get enough of, especially in the realm of safety. Because, you know, who doesn't love comparing their job to putting out fires?
In most workplaces the idea is for everyone to be a fire marshal, because apparently if everyone is busy being a fire marshal, there'll be fewer fires. Logical, right? But, oh, let me tell you about this one manufacturing plant where the plant manager is a bit too cozy with his fire marshal hat.
In the sprawling drama of manufacturing, where being a fire marshal is the new cool, there's a special breed of fire marshal – Frank. Frank, the plant manager and self-proclaimed fire marshal, isn't exactly keen on inspiring people to do the right thing. No, no, his hobby seems to be snuffing out any potential fires before they even spark.
With the plant's performance hitting rock bottom and Frank conveniently pointing fingers at the assets and maintenance, the last thing ol' Frankie boy needs is some eager beaver showing him up with her problem-solving skills. Little fires under your seat that can lead to a site champion can be a real hazard to a plant manager's ego, let me tell you. So, if you're in the same boat as Frank, desperate to ensure that no one lights a fire under his behind and steals your spotlight, read on for some nifty tips on how to be as obstructive as possible.
1. Remove all oxygen from the environment
Because, of course, if there's no oxygen, there can't be any fires, right? Frank's master plan involves suffocating his team with an overload of distractions. You know the classic move – too many meetings, no time on the actual floor, and a shiny new priority every day.
As soon as you see anyone take a breath and potentially work to solve an issue, immediately add a new distraction by telling her to do an inventory cycle count, or ask him to review and update an SOP, or (Frank’s favorite) ask her to join an IT project. Whatever you do, ensure it swallows his time and keeps him as far away from real issues as possible. Keep 'em huffing and puffing from one pointless task to another, and she'll never have time to tackle the real issues. Brilliant, Frank, just brilliant.
2. Remove sources of ignition
Ah, leadership direction, the ultimate danger. Frank's solution? Keep it vague. Like, "Be Benchmark" vague, because nothing motivates a team like a mission statement that's about as clear as mud. Your goals should create confusion, beg questions, cause puzzled looks, and force people to leave the room Googling what the hell you meant. Change goals often enough to keep everyone guessing, and hey presto, nobody will even bother trying to reach them. Pure genius, Frank, pure genius.
3. Remove the fuel
Information is power, they say, but not if Frank has anything to say about it. His tactic? Hoard information like a dragon hoards gold. Compartmentalize everything within an inch of its life, and for good measure, slap on some blinders. Conferences? Books? Courses? Not on Frank's watch. Because who needs external knowledge when you've got Frank around to teach you everything you need to know? Spoiler alert: nothing.So, there you have it, Patty. Follow these steps, and you too can be like Frank – on your merry way to becoming a corporate VP. Ah, the joys of professional mediocrity and morale deflation.