The art of avoiding work

The art of avoiding work

March 7, 2024
So you think you’re a good procrastinator? Captain Unreliability says hold my channel locks.

In the fast-paced world of business, there's one skill that sets the true professionals apart from the rest: the ability to avoid doing actual work at all costs. 

While some may think that productivity and efficiency are key, true masters of the corporate world know that the real secret to success lies in the art of procrastination. So, if you're ready to take your career to the next level, here are some expert tips on how to do everything but the work required within organizations.

1. Endless Meetings. The cornerstone of corporate procrastination! Meetings are the perfect way to waste time without actually accomplishing anything. Schedule meetings for every minor decision, invite as many people as possible, and make sure to spend the majority of the time discussing irrelevant topics. Bonus points if you can schedule back-to-back meetings, ensuring that no actual work gets done.

2. Email Overload. Another essential tool in the procrastinator's arsenal, email is the perfect way to appear busy while actually accomplishing very little. Spend hours crafting long, detailed emails about minor issues, and make sure to copy everyone in the organization. Bonus points for sending emails at odd hours, ensuring that your colleagues are constantly on edge.

3. Pointless Reports. Nothing says "I'm busy" like a long, detailed report. Spend hours compiling data, creating graphs, and analyzing trends, all while avoiding any actual work. Bonus points if you can make the report so complex that no one actually understands it, ensuring that you'll be asked to present it multiple times.

4. Office Politics. Engaging in office politics is a great way to avoid doing actual work while appearing to be productive. Spend hours gossiping with colleagues, forming alliances, and maneuvering for power, all while avoiding any real responsibilities. Bonus points if you can create enough drama to distract the entire office.

5. Endless Training. Corporate training sessions are a great way to avoid doing real work while still appearing to be productive. Sign up for every training session offered, regardless of relevance or necessity, and spend hours sitting through mind-numbing presentations. Bonus points if you can convince your boss that you need to attend a conference in Hawaii for "professional development."

6. Busy Work. When all else fails, busy work is the perfect way to avoid doing actual work while still appearing to be busy. Spend hours reorganizing your desk, color-coding your inbox, or alphabetizing your file cabinets, all while avoiding any real tasks. Bonus points if you can convince your boss that these tasks are essential to your job.

In conclusion, the key to success in the corporate world is not hard work or dedication, but rather the ability to avoid doing actual work at all costs. By mastering the art of procrastination and focusing on everything but the work required, you too can rise to the top of the corporate ladder. So, here's to a successful career filled with endless meetings, pointless reports, and endless training sessions.

About the Author

Captain Unreliability

Captain Unreliability is a satire of the state of the manufacturing industry in ’Merica today and is written by an industry professional known for using humor to get the point across. Stay tuned for more useless advice, and if you have topics you’d like to see covered or questions you’d like The Captain to weigh in on, contact The Captain directly at [email protected] or follow on Twitter @CUnreliability. Also, consider becoming Unreliable today by getting your Captain t-shirt at

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