How to live the good corporate life one meeting at a time

May 6, 2020
Don’t make the mistake of actually applying yourself at work – instead, just schedule another meeting.

Today, I would like to take you on a journey. It is one of vision, wisdom, and accomplishment. I want to share with you some practical insights that will allow you to expand your horizons, get a promotion, and live the corporate good life.

The promotion

In order to gain credentials for promotion, I would like to break down, using logic, how the promotion cycle works. First, people who do lots of work make lots of mistakes. That is perfectly okay, and you need these types of people at all levels of the organization. These are the types to work hard to become a “manager”. If you want to be promotable, this cannot be you.

Then there are people who do less work and make less mistakes. These are the people that fill most of the organization, but are not you.

Finally, there are those that do no work. People that do no work make no mistakes and therefore become promotable. So here are some tips:

  1. Spend your time going around and creating small talk conversations with many people. This will cause time to blow by without any work being completed.
  2. Spend part of the day browsing emails.
  3. Spend part of the day browsing the internet.
  4. Spend the rest of your day playing games on your phone or computer.

The reason to do these things is so that no work is completed, which allows for a mistake-free day. Ultimately, people will see that you do not make mistakes like the others do. This will lead to promotion due to the fact that you have not put the added, unnecessary drama on your boss, like those that actually do work.

After the promotion, the good life

Once you get to the top, it can be a lonely place, but it does not have to be. Are you starved for attention? Are you not feeling so smart today? Do you hate making any type of decision? Well, here is the solution: schedule a meeting! You could just reply to an email, but why? What is the fun in that? What sense of belonging and pride do you get from sending an email?

By having a meeting, you get to see and interact with people, which really helps the loneliness you are feeling being at the top. Holding a meeting can also allow you to present on a topic which can feed your craving for attention. You can show off some charts that someone probably put together. It makes you feel important when you are up presenting.

While up there you can show people just how smart you are to impress them, and you can fling the laser around on the pointer to show just how awesome you really are. If you really want to impress, bring donuts or cater in food. This really works to get a larger crowd to the meeting.

What about decision making? The easiest thing to do in order to make decisions is to have a meeting. In that meeting you delegate the task of making the decision onto the group in front of you; that way, if it fails, you can blame them and if successful, you look like a genius.

So remember, think twice about sending that email and ask yourself, “Can I make a solid contribution to the life of others all the while making myself feel good by sending this email?” If the answer is no, which it more than likely will be, then schedule that meeting! After four, five, or even six meetings, you can leave work with your head high in knowing just how busy you were today. This will leave you with a sense of accomplishment and a sense of purpose. Life is fulfilled in knowing that we have made a solid contribution to our world and this is the life worth living.

About the Author: The Captain

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