Captain Unreliability (1)

50 ways to be the leader you know yourself to be while trampling everyone in your path

Feb. 9, 2022
Just slip out the back, Jack.

As always, the Captain is back with great leadership tips to help you take care of your career:

  1. Manage people, lead things.
  2. High turnover rates are an indicator of a problem at the bottom.
  3. Value yourself above others.
  4. Be your own hero.
  5. Listen to speak, not to reply.
  6. Your problem is resources, not the fact that you don’t know how to use them.
  7. Things Rick Astley will never do: Give you up, let you down, run around, desert you, make you cry, say goodbye, tell a lie, hurt you. Don’t be Rick Astley.
  8. People are not machines, systems, or projects; buy robots.
  9. Being an effective manager requires you to delegate driving a great culture.
  10. There is no magic formula for a great company culture, so automate.
  11. You can’t lead others if you are not at the top.
  12. Think in terms of boundaries, not opportunities.
  13. You have authority. Use it.
  14. Do not do anything if you do not get the credit.
  15. Don’t worry about knowing your job. Delegate, delegate, delegate!
  16. Own success and blame for failures.
  17. You are a victim. Use it to the best of your ability.
  18. To relieve stress, take it out on others. It will make you feel better.
  19. Try to fix your boss. If they don’t change then give them attitude.
  20. Remember, the world revolves around you.
  21. Every decision you make should be put through your filter of self-centeredness.
  22. Do not welcome advice, they are the problem.
  23. Lead others for your own personal gain. Life is better for you that way.
  24. Be a political leader. When asked where you stand on something, just tell them, “Well, some of my friends are for it. Some are against it. As for me, I’m for my friends.”
  25. Micromanage everyone.
  26. No matter the circumstances, your greatest limitation is the leader above you, not the spirit within you.
  27. Everything rises and falls with your boss. It’s their fault.
  28. Remember, leadership good or bad gets noticed. Get noticed.
  29. Focus on your dreams and forget your duties.
  30. Successful leaders are like icebergs: they sink the ship.
  31. Find satisfaction in knowing the real reason for the success of the company wasn’t you, so steal the credit.
  32. The grass is always greener. Remember that.
  33. Be a high-profile, flashy leader. It’s way more fun.
  34. Self-promotion is always key.
  35. Guard information. They are coming for you.
  36. Leadership is all about position. You can’t influence without it.
  37. Define a win in terms of getting you a promotion.
  38. Personal success above team, always.
  39. If it’s not your vision, critique it until it is yours.
  40. Who needs trust when you have authority?
  41. People follow leaders because of authority, not competence. There is hope for you.
  42. Demand respect. Don’t waste time trying to earn it.
  43. If you want to get ahead, kiss up, don’t lead up.
  44. The key to leading yourself well is to not worry about it.
  45. If you work well under pressure, procrastinate.
  46. The greatest enemy of good decision making is people.
  47. 100% of mistakes are people related, although you never make them. So don’t worry about it.
  48. Talking the talk avoids having to walk the walk.
  49. Always punch down. It will make you feel really good about yourself.
  50. Leaders can give up many things. They can delegate many things. The one thing that the top leader should always delegate is the final responsibility.

This story originally appeared in the February 2022 issue of Plant Services. Subscribe to Plant Services here.

About the Author: The Captain

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